NUMEN VEL DISSITA JUNGIT. They don't make archbishops like they used to.

This is the Latin motto of the wild and crazy prince archbishop Markus Sittikus, who reigned from 1612-1619 and then died at the age of 45. We went down to see the palace he built, the Hellbrun, just a few miles south of Salzburg, this morning. Wow! It was fun!

The archbishop was a big joker and he made this outdoor dining piazza, much like you would see at the Sparler/Schouten residence, but do you see those holes in the seats? While the guests were eating, looking at the lovely palace there in the background, drinking wine that had been cooled in the special water place right in the center of the table, one of the archbishop's servants would flip a switch and fountains of water would come up those holes right up the guests' butts! They wouldn't be able to stand up because you couldn't stand up before the archbishop stood up, according to the rules of court etiquette.

Markus Sittikus also had a small little palace built up on a hill on the grounds called the Monatsschlossl, or "month palace." Our little electronic guide said that was because it was built in only a month, but that's not true. It was actually where Markus' gal pal would go every month while she was having her period and was indisposed. How'd you like to have a fancy palace, girls, where you could go during that time of the month?

Boy, that archbishop. I could tell you some other stories I heard. His motto, numen vel dissita jungit, means something like "the divine also unites opposites." This was supposedly because his two heraldic animals, the lion and the goat, were opposite zodiac signs which he had united, but I have a different interpretation after visiting his house today. He was uniting the sacred and the profane. If you had seen the statue he had made of St. George killing the dragon, and the way that maiden was tied up...I can't even post it on this site because it would be x-rated.

So that was Hellbrun, full of trick fountains that would spray you without warning. Jack would have loved it. I guess I prefer Archbishops Alex and good old Raymond Hunthausen to that naughty Baroque bishop (boy, and you wonder why they had the Reformation!) but Markus Sittikus was sure a lot of fun, even 400 years after he lived.